Wednesdays with Johanna

Here is my promise KTH -

There is nothing in which you have been through, no suffering or pain - which can not be healed, be brought to the Heart of God to be held by God and released, by you. There is no thought which cannot be brought into alignment with the Light of God to be made pure and released. There is no torment in which you have been through in which Love cannot heal and make whole.

Everything in which you have experienced can be something you allow your separated mind to torment you with -OR- those very experiences can be the vehicle in which Sacred Consciousness can awaken your soul and bring forth from your heart your heart, the love, and healing many like yourself seek.

Yes, your experiences of embodied suffering can only be known by you - AND- this is no cliche... LOVE can heal you.

Can your heart hear me?

Are you ready?

Do you believe that what I am promising can be true?

Are you ready to let go, on finger at a time and trust?

Dear Johanna,
I happened to be on here and realized it was Wednesday between 1-5 so I thought I would write. I am currently purifying some big emotions about letting go of Noah, my 18 year old. It feels like a relationship is ending when I don't want it to. I know it isn't really, but in my heart, I want to go on with the same relationship we always had as mother and child, but he needs to separate and I must let him go. I am surprised at the intensity of the feelings that happen each time a greater letting go is called for. I am just letting myself feel the feelings without attachment, giving them to God and trusting that they will go, but honestly, it is stronger than I anticipated and I am much in need of grace and support. I am wondering how this applies to the spiritual realm, as it is such a human level experience, yet I trust that being called to share here it will be able to benefit someone else as well.
With Love,
Abriete

abriete abriete:

Dear Johanna,
I happened to be on here and realized it was Wednesday between 1-5 so I thought I would write. I am currently purifying some big emotions about letting go of Noah, my 18 year old. It feels like a relationship is ending when I don't want it to. I know it isn't really, but in my heart, I want to go on with the same relationship we always had as mother and child, but he needs to separate and I must let him go. I am surprised at the intensity of the feelings that happen each time a greater letting go is called for. I am just letting myself feel the feelings without attachment, giving them to God and trusting that they will go, but honestly, it is stronger than I anticipated and I am much in need of grace and support. I am wondering how this applies to the spiritual realm, as it is such a human level experience, yet I trust that being called to share here it will be able to benefit someone else as well.
With Love,
Abriete

Hello Abriete love.

Thank you for coming and bringing your beautiful heart. Your heart to me is so large, with so much love to give... perhaps this time of Noah's moving forward is a time for your beautiful heart to be shared with others in ways in which you have not previously known...

I will come back and share more with you love. I feel that I have a few more thoughts to share with KTH and then I would like to share more with you.

Your timing is perfect.

Last edited by Johanna on Wed Jul 17, 2013 7:11 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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To signup for the Emanations of Healing Light Calendar: http://lightomega.org/EM/EM-Signup.html

I have been to two inpatient treatment centers and 3 outpatient centers. I was just at Betty Ford in October and nothing has changed. There is a huge block inside of me and I don't know what it is.

Dearest KTH and Abriete...

The above posted Emanations of Healing Light Calendar quote is for both of you.

Your presence extends into the world in ways you do not know.

Though healing may still be needed,
love can flow out from you
as a blessing to all.

Each of you, although at very different stages of the Purification Process, both have something very precious to bring to the world.

kth92485 kth92485:

I have been to two inpatient treatment centers and 3 outpatient centers. I was just at Betty Ford in October and nothing has changed. There is a huge block inside of me and I don't know what it is.

See if this resonates with you love...

I am afraid to be conscious. I am afraid that if I don't have a drug or some alcohol in me to dull the pain or divert my consciousness, then the tsunami of emotions, feelings, torment, negative thoughts, memories will overwhelm me and I will lose control...

I am afraid that love is not real.

I am afraid that if love is real, well it is not for me...

I am afraid. I am afraid... all the time. I am full of fear. And most often than not, the fear comes out as anger...

I am afraid I am so damaged now one will ever love me.

I feel like if I do not have my pals - alcohol and drugs - well, I cannot really relate to the world and the world cannot really relate to who I am with out them...

Do any of these thoughts resonate with what you hear within you?

I feel all of that everyday

Last edited by Johanna on Wed Jul 17, 2013 1:11 pm, edited 1 time in total.

kth92485 kth92485:

I feel all of that everyday

Then we have a place to begin.

You may be on a journey that was similar to my own.

I needed to go through recovery without the aid of treatment centers.

I went through recovery by attending meetings (I was in such a state that I could not work) 1 - 2 meetings a day - Big Book and Step Meetings (I would recommend these meetings only) 7 days a week for at least a year.

Hmmmm... You gotta ask yourself can you do this?

Because only you KTH can get yourself to a meeting, learn and practice the 12 Steps inside and out, and begin the journey back to reality with the aid of the Purification Process.

Only you can decide how quickly or slowly you want to move.

And ONLY YOU CAN TURN OFF THE THOUGHTS that are obsessively tormenting you.

Believe me love when I say my thoughts were so obsessive 25 years ago when I first started attending meetings that my sponsor would walk over to me, put her hand in the form of someone turning a knob off - and click off my brain, telling me to turn off the thoughts and just be in the moment. I would also just stare at my feet as a reminder to myself when my mind would not stop - that I am in the moment... I am in the moment...

Now, I shared a lot of 'only you's..."

What will be different from all the other times you have tried, is that 1. You are not alone, you know I will be here each week in person to check in with. 2. Beloved Julie is here. , 3. You will be learning about the Purification Process whilst attending and learning through the Steps and Big Book, how to bring your mind into alignment with your heart - clean and sober - pure., 4. The Light present on the Earth is even stronger now, bringing forth possibilities for healing which were not present in the past...

Through a dear friends help, I am able to stay on the Forum until 4 p.m. ESDT today.

abriete abriete:

"......but in my heart, I want to go on with the same relationship we always had as mother and child, but he needs to separate and I must let him go. I am surprised at the intensity of the feelings that happen each time a greater letting go is called for. I am just letting myself feel the feelings without attachment, giving them to God and trusting that they will go, but honestly, it is stronger than I anticipated..

Dear Abriete,

My heart wishes to share this:

The great & profound love that bonds a Mother and child is a reflection of God's unfathomable love for us. It is God to whom we belong. Although between parents & children, married couples, life partners, the " belonging feeling is very strong, it is the view from our "smaller self". Our "larger self" knows that through this aspect of change in the Mother-Son relationship, something new can be born, something that your souls know they have come here to earth to fulfill. Continue to Trust in the unknown, the new relationship that is waiting to unfold with learning opportunities and love for both of you. All blessings & love to you, dear Abriete

I went to a meeting last night out of the blue. Ive gone to meetings on and off for years but I've never attended regularly. my parents have begged me to get a sponsor and go every day for a long time now. I do feel some comfort when I am at a meeting, but its only for that hour. I usually go home and use right after the meeting because most of the time I cry throughout the entire hour. I know I should just commit to going to AA on a regular basis, its one hour out of my day and if I'm not at work, I do nothing, so why I have been so resistant to the idea of going to meetings, I dont know. It really bothers me that I'm unwilling to do something so simple, that everyone says will help me.

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