Notes From Retreat:Protection From Suffering And GRACEHello Dear Readers,
Many a spiritual adept or those on a spiritual path have asked me over the years after I share of my energetic sensitivities "Why can't you protect yourself from these energies?" Some may ask "Why can't you create a spiritual bubble of protection?"
I believe I have written about this previously. What I will share with you Dear Readers now is what has come to me most recently.
For years, the only answer I could provide was that I was not able to. Experiences and the teachings of Guruji-Ma had given me insights into my particular challenges regarding the energies of limitations, suffering, poverty, pain, loneliness, and separated energies rearing as dysfunction and chaos.
These experiences manifested during the peak self-help era, as well as the prosperity era, and the "you can will your mind to do anything era's of spiritual awakening and conscious embodiment and manifestation.
Naturally, these questions, my ability and vulnerability to not have an answer, and the suffering I experienced in the presence of these energies triggered unpurified energies within that were prone to align with self-doubt, self-negation, and low self worth. Obviously, I would think to myself, my suffering was a result of something being wrong with me.
Even as this is true, I have persisted in honouring my truth about the intensity of energies which affect me multi-dimensionally as well as the levels of darkness they carry.
The honouring of my truth has come at a cost to my ego - pain, shame, and the realizations of the self which aligns with that which is not Light, as well as my health. The barrages of energies have tested the very boundaries of the health of my nervous system, liver, heart and immune system. They have tested the very boundaries of my sanity and my perceptions of what I believe to be reality.
Many years later, the answer of why I cannot 'protect' myself from the energies of darkness, energies of separated consciousness, has been given to me.
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By going through those experiences - whilst surrendering to the Will of the Divine to the best of my ability - as presented to me through realities manifesting through and around me a fertile environment for the energies of Grace were growing in my life. Not just outside of me as Grace coming forward in circumstances, but inwardly, perceiving Grace in the presence of suffering, limitations, and the energies of darkness.
Guruji-Ma embodied my first conscious experiences of embodied Grace in my early years of spiritual awakening. To this day, this has not changed. There were many others including members of the Light Omega community who embodied the energies of Grace. Also, in retrospect, I am able to view a larger perspective of events I have endured and moved through, and when I look back I am aware of often seemingly random souls who helped me through many a dark night.
Grace was always growing and expanding in and around me, yet all I was aware of was the pain I was in, the limitations crushing my very spirit, the agony of the energies which would disable me. Even as I began to embody the teachings of the Purification Process and for many years after embracing these teachings, I continued to perceive Grace as a random experience which manifested within the chaos of what I was enduring. Grace manifested as help and as love, but the shame and guilt I was engaging with blocked the fuller experiences of Grace awaiting me.Gratitude: The Prelude To Greater Awarenesses Of The Experience of Grace Gratitude was something I needed to consciously practice daily with lists when I was and was not consumed by energies ravaging my heart and nervous system. Yet these lists, which were helpful, were not fully heartfelt. In time the lists left the mental realms and entered my heart, even as this is true, there was a separation between what my heart was feeling and the experience of Grace. Through Guruji-Ma's examples and teachings, gratitude became an experience in response to Life. Eventually, these teachings took hold in my spiritual consciousness, and in the moment, in time, no matter * the experience which were manifesting, trust, surrender, and growing experiences of perceiving Grace in the presence of suffering grew.
Guruji-Ma's examples of Grace expressed with the One opened my inner eyes and heart to witness and become one with the sacred, the beautiful, the loving - Grace, for it's presentness, with honour, devotions, and gratitude.
This leads to 'protection'. I am unable to protect myself from the energies of darkness and separation for I must go through the experiences these energies bring forth with God.
Within this realization is where the answer of why I cannot protect myself comes from. I am unable to protect myself because Grace is already protecting me. There is no need for that which my will could or would do, for the power of Grace is stronger and more powerful than that which the will could or would manifest.
Grace is protecting me through its benevolence, moments of kindness with those I love and more especially with seemingly random strangers. Grace is protecting me in the darkest moments through experiences of love, gratitude, and however seemingly insignificant to the mind experiencing pain, moments of spiritual upliftment. Grace does not take away suffering, Grace inspires us through suffering.
By recognizing and honouring what I am unable to do or manifest, and surrendering to what is, by trusting, asking for guidance, waiting, praying, and paying attention in the moment to the best of my abilities to what I can be grateful for and to what energies my heart or mind is aligning with, in the sacred moment, I am able to perceive the energies of Grace. I can perceive the energies of Grace and know that all is as it is meant to be, that I can trust, that love is always with me, and feel the sacredness, the holiness, the awareness's that come with being alive, being a soul embodied, with Grace. With God. With the Divine Infinite.
Grace removes the need to control, it expands the space to let go, to trust in the Divine, no matter how painful the experience may be, I AM is with me, Grace surrounds me, and I am loved.
with love, Johanna *The moment when the yellow scarlet tanager hit the window and died.
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