You are here to bring your true self into the world, for the freedom of your soul-expression is the gift you give to Life.Julie@JulieLightOmegahttps://twitter.com/JulieLightOmega I have been bullied since I was a little kid, as of this writing, I am 56 years old.
From the time I was allowed to play outside without my Mothers protective supervision on our dead end street, the bullies who have lived near me, or moved through life around me, have found me easy prey. I was bullied, beat up, publicly humiliated, shamed, and harassed, through all of my school years. In high school a few girls used to make it a point to bounce me into the lockers as they passed me in the hallways, one day taking it to the next level and sucker punching me as I left class out of the blue. Later in the principals office they revealed the long term abuse was because "they couldn't stand my 'smiling' ", as I walked to and from classes. They were not alone in their bullying campaigns and my school years from grammar school to high school were filled with pain, isolation, serious depression, self abusing behaviors, and suicidal thoughts.
Even in the midst of the torment and angst, I remained myself, as awkwardly and weirdly being myself may have seemed to be to the world around me. I have never 'fit' into the cliques, groups, and other ways of being with each other which often demanded the repression of who I was to 'fit' in, 'be like everyone else', to be accepted. Even the school outcasts found me too different. And so I began from an early age to learn to walk alone. A lonely path and yet to remain as truthful as I could even in my unawakened state, a necessary path.
I'll skip the years of bullying and abuse between high school and now, at the age of 56 because it is in essence more of the same, in different forms. I am bullied now on the road by random drivers who I seem to enrage for driving the speed limit. Just the other night, two cars at once were trying to aggressively push me to drive faster than the speed in a school zone, single lane, with a double line, with parked cars on both sides. When they realized I would not not speed for them, they both simultaneously passed me at @50mph (in a 25mph), just missing hitting the oncoming car in the opposite lane. (This is just one example of random antics of road ragers bullying me when I am out driving).
At home I experience bullying by my closest neighbor who is a professional dog trainer, who has, over the last four years, let her dogs out into her adjacent yard usually moments after I have come out into my garden to work. Her dogs seem to lose their minds barking so intensely, aggressively jumping on the fence, drooling with rage when I am moving around in the garden or even if I make noises in my yard. It wasn't until this week after four years mind you, that I saw the dog who is the most vicious, look to her for guidance, and she did not stop the dog or call it back. In that moment I knew, when I turned around and looked into her eyes, that what was unfolding for the hundredth plus time, was an intentional pattern of bullying me through her dogs. After two years of the dogs viscous barking and jumping to get at me, we put up a stockade fence on the back half of the property to stop the dogs raging at me when I was in my back yard. Even so, out of kindness and compassion for her, we did not put up the stockade in the front garden for my neighbor would lose a beautiful view of the meadows and the waterway. My aim is not to punish the bullying behaviors by being mean or revengeful, for I would become a bully myself. Yet if the bullying through her dogs continues even after the repeated warnings, the stockade fence in the front may be a necessary step to take in order to stop the distress I experience when I enter my garden.Compassion for those who do not know any other way than the way of harm, for their hearts are covered in illusion that they take for truth.Julie@JulieLightOmegahttps://twitter.com/JulieLightOmega Regretfully, many times over the last four years, I would get angry, having messy meltdowns from the energies I was taking in and unable to contain, becoming belligerent believing my anger could 'protect' me from the bullying and abuse I was expereinceing in my sanctuary. In the end, the releasing of the energies of anger filling my body only gave me a feeling of being upset, sick, and filled with regret, along with the temporary loss of balance and connection to the Light. It has also taken 40 years to learn as an adult that the bully is aware that the anger of people like myself is not like their anger and that the bully fears in such cases, little reprisal.
I am not a victim. I will speak with those who are in authority or those who could change the situation, but have found over the years that I am the one judged 'troublemaker', 'complainer', or 'whiner', for pointing out the bullying or abuse. I have spoken to my neighbor who I have warned many times over the last year that I will, if the abuse of her dogs continues, stockade fence the front area of my garden so that I might work unmolested. It seems that she does not hear me and I am very sad for her for this.
I now identify what has been happening to me for years as a Purification pattern in need of healing. No matter what the bully does, it is myself and my spiritual progression which I am responsible for. "...People choose anger because anger feels like it empowers the self. It reduces the feeling of helplessness and conveys both the desire and often the capacity to 'do something' about whatever is troubling. Often, however, the success of such a strategy is an illusion, since anger generally begets negative consequences either from the environment or from within oneself."The Healing of Anger http://essentials-of-purification.light ... anger.html There was a time until my late twenties that the false 'protection' of the anger and belligerence seemed, coupled with acts of self harming behaviors, and isolation, the only path I could follow. Nearly thirty years ago I stopped harming myself with self defeating behaviors and found people much like myself who encouraged me to be me and celebrate my 'different-ness'. It has been a long and painful road of reclaiming that which was lost, and even so, I have reclaimed my self and have, over the years, fallen in love with how I AM has made me. The anger as a reaction to being bullied and abused has been the last piece of my souls embodied spiritual healing through my Purification Process.
The abuse, or bullying is not what is most important here when it comes to my embodied soul growth, although the pain and experiences have impacted my life and previously altered my reactions to my self and my life. Sure, I still get angry in the moment when someone is bullying me, AND, I have also learned how to detach from the energies, even if it is as simple as turning the rear view mirror up so I cannot see how menacingly close the car behind me is. I have not reached the place of reacting to abusive or bullying behaviors with forgiveness yet, but I can tell you that is my goal.
I am, Dear Readers, like yourselves, worthy of respectful treatment. Treating others to the best of my abilities with respect and kindness in any given moment, is something I have never stopped practicing, (except with the bullies and abusers), and I will as part of my Purification healing, learn how to respond to them with greater respect and compassion. Firstly for purely selfish reasons, meaning that I do not wish to be locked into a dense karmic entanglement with them, nor do I wish to fill my heart with the spiritual sickness that comes from losing connection to the energies of love; and secondly, for more selfless reasons, that is, I do not wish for them to suffer and would hope that they too may find peace.
I am a kind person. I would say I am more the holy fool than I am the great and wise spiritual adept. I have a kind heart, and the Teachings of loving one another is a wistful heart prayer that I long to live as well as practice with others.
I will not, and have not, changed this longing in my heart for 56 years. No matter who has bullied or abused me, I remain in my heart, kind and loving. I remain 'different' and I still do not 'fit in', yet I feel deeply connected to my planetary family as well as this beautiful planet and all the creatures upon her.
I will not change who I am to 'fit' in or win 'approval', or 'likes' of those around me. I remain steadfast in the awkward truth of who I am and how I AM made me. I will not be forced to leave this life because a predator bully finds it amusing to see me suffer.
Nor should you.
You are not alone in being bullied. Remain true to who you are.
with love, JohannaWe do not yet believe in the possibility of the ideal becoming real. We desire love and to live surrounded by a loving environment but our current picture of motivations that seem to prevail cause us to feel that this wish is not practical nor even possible. And yet this is the movement of consciousness that is taking place now, here on Earth in the presence of darkness. The instrumentality of light to not only root out darkness but to create the inner and outer vehicles for the expansion of love is taking place. We are each that vehicle. We are each here at this time to become instruments of love.THE SHAPING OF A REPUBLIC: COMMUNITIES BASED IN LOVEhttp://lightomega.org/VIL/Communities-B ... -Love.html THE PURIFICATION PROCESShttp://www.lightomega.org/Ind/Purification.html
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