A Personal Experience of the Service Aspect of Limitations
Hello Dear Readers,
Recently”, in a Morning Meditation GurujiMa briefly spoke of “The Service Aspect of Limitations.”
I felt seen in that moment. Why? Because my soul has allowed God to shape my reality. My soul, and my heart, albeit not willingly from the start with a copious amount of “it’s not fair", and "why me?”, has accepted over time that there is honor in giving that which is so freely given unto me - back to others in service. And in my life, that holy service often come in the form of limitations.
Although there may be some unresolved and unpurified karmic resonance with martyr energies from a past life, I am as I AM has made me, is not prone to martyrdom, nor pessimism, nor walking through life feeling pity for my self.
God has blessed me so richly, even if often I cannot partake of the beauty in my heart, my soul sees it. My eyes may take in beauty, even if the energies of separation cause a break between seeing and feeling the beauty deeply. I am aware that it is there, and I choose not wallow in the what I do not have, rather I give thanks for those moments when the eyes and heart connect in the presence of the sacred and the beautiful.
I was thinking of what it might mean to be be in service (To the One, and the many) as an aspect of limitation.
Firstly, it came to my mind that as a society we once held up those who were in service. Whether it was through institutions, groups, or whether it was individuals who served others, these were once held up as models — as humans we would most like to be like. Unfortunately, the culture has changed dramatically to a “look at me”, or a “look at what I have or am doing” culture of celebrity.
When it comes to service as an aspect of limitation, service that involves limitations or even suffering, there are many ways in which the ego may say - "Oh no, not me. I don't want to suffer."
I get it. I remember years ago, near thirty, when I was first coming to be with GurujiMa. At that time, there was this beautiful, angelic like embodied soul who had been with GurujiMa longer than I had, who suffered intensely. This soul in human form was so energetically sensitive, that after a session of many of us being together, where I had sat next to this soul, I heard this soul crying out in pain in response to taking in my energies. Which at the time were indeed, full of darkness. I remember at first the ego responding with hurt, guilt, and some shame that I could be the cause of someone's suffering and pain. And then I remembered a part of me saying, “I will never be energetically sensitive like that. I will never suffer like that”.
Well, my soul and the One, God as I understand God, had different plans.
I will share this with you Dear Readers not to hold my self up, but to hold my self with those who experience suffering, pain, and limitations in service, holy service.
When the experiences of limitation began at first, I fought them, got angry and would often seek to blame myself, a situation, or person for the pain and limitations I was experiencing. Sitting with GurujiMa and deeply experiencing the Purification Process helped me to purify and heal over time, most of the consciousness associated with seeking a cause or reason for the limitations, pain and suffering. Then in the early 2000's everything seemed to change, and the sufferings and limitations went up significantly a few notches into intense and extreme experiences.
Still, I would think that I had done something wrong, or it was my karma which was creating this intense suffering, or something or someone around me.
Then prophecies began to come to me and through me. Slowly, over time, I began to experience a tenuous connection with the holiness of this work, and as GurujiMa identified in a recent Morning Meditation - the service aspect of my limitations.
When I speak of suffering and pain Dear Readers, I am not writing to garner your empathy or sympathy, rather I am seeking to be transparent so that other WayShowers and Light Workers, those in service to the One, those in service to humanity or the Holy Cosmos, may feel the camaraderie of being with others who are in service —together.
I remember how naively I used to believe that those who were blissfully going about teaching about positively manifesting and prosperity were the real spiritual beings not I. Because I was suffering and experiencing limitations I believed this was a sign that I was not spiritual nor a true spiritual adept. I am not saying these embodied souls were not spiritual. What I have come to realize is spirituality is not wholly about positively manifesting, prosperity, bliss and everyone experiencing how radiant you are, although being on a spiritual path can lead to a state of bliss consciousness and embodied beingness over time.
Spirituality in service is about being faithful to your soul, to that which is your Creator Source, to each other, to your sacred service, to Love, to Light, no matter how wonderfully blissful you may be or not be. It is a service of the heart, meant to be in service to the many.
The service aspect of limitation for me, is about love. Love, love, love. As painful as the experiences are in any given moment, or moments collectively, the love in my heart is much stronger than the pain of the limitations. Love is what keeps me going. Love is what helps me get back up. Love is what helps me to write in the presence of painful energies which would seek to stop me from writing. Love is what creates the portal through my heart for the prophecies to come through. Love is what helps me to rest in the presence of pain and suffering. Embodied Love is what helps me to trust. Love is what helps me to trust in the presence of unrelenting energies which can cause pain and suffering.
The service aspect of my limitations has come with the same as a gift which was unexpected. Love. Yes, love again! I speak not of the receiving of love, which I do experience with GurujiMa, my beloved community, and perhaps you too Dear Reader. Rather the love I speak of comes from my soul, through my heart. This love, which is the root of my love for God, humanity, and GurujiMa, has grown and continues to grow in expansiveness and intensity that even in the presence of pain and limitations, it upholds me, and gives me the strength each day to move forward without collapsing into the energies of depression, guilt, shame, or even anger.
I realize I may be repeating myself and I believe it is so because the message of Love deserves continual repetition.
I allow myself to experience the energies which come forth, often in the form of limitation and pain because of love. Love gives me the strength to do so. Love assures me that it may seem like the energies will never cease, but indeed they will. Love assures me that I will get through this. I will get through whatever the presenting limitation is. I do not know how, but the energies of Love reassures me that I will.
Many years ago I surrendered my life to God as I understand God. I consecrated my life in God. I vowed to give my life to God however that looked and at that time it looked painful and bleak. Naively at first, I thought this act would suddenly make me part of the positive manifesting crowd - because at the time, the nature of the teachings going about in other spiritual teachers who were not a part of my beloved community were teaching this form of spirituality and healing. Then I found out - by going through the sufferings and limitations - that the bliss I was seeking came in the form of finding out who I truly am in the presence of limitations and pain. I found in time, that I am not my limitations, I am not the suffering I endure in the presence of intense energies, I am a daughter of I AM. I AM is with me and I am with I AM. Bliss.
with love, Johanna
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